I have no manners...

I stumbled across a funny discussion on SingSnap this morning.  Someone was gently sounding off because she had joined people on their open duets and they had not commented or thanked her for joining them.  The thread is actually a couple of months old but it's still getting comments.  I generally don't participate in SingSnap discussions.  I kind of try to keep a low profile there because I mainly use the site to practice music.  I do sometimes post open duets and sometimes I get good participation.  Sometimes no one joins me.  It's okay either way, as far as I'm concerned.

Generally speaking, when someone sings with me there, I do leave a comment thanking them for joining me.  Sometimes, if the person does a really good job, I'll say even more.  Sometimes people who sing with me have very little musical talent and it's actually kind of painful to listen, but I appreciate that they liked my duet enough to join me.  So I usually say "thanks" and leave it at that.

However, there are times when I don't comment.  Sometimes, people on SingSnap can engage in annoying behavior.  I don't want to encourage them to engage me, so I may not say anything about a duet they've done with me.  Last fall, I posted on this blog about my SingSnap pet peeves.  It actually felt good to write that piece because I really do try to be nice 90% of the time.  Even when I'm not nice to someone who has annoyed me somehow, I usually feel kind of guilty about it.  And believe me, there are more than a few people on SingSnap who can be very annoying and childish.

Anyway, one poster pretty much summed up how I feel about comments on SingSnap.  I kind of "know" this person because I once sang in an online trio with her.  She has a very good voice and no doubt gets a lot of people duetting with her.  She basically said that people shouldn't get all bunged up about who thanks them for joining them in duets.  She said that people have lives.  Sometimes people die.  Sometimes people are sick or tired or otherwise unwilling or unable to comment.  Sometimes people don't want to respond to someone because they're being annoying or engaging in harassment.  Her advice to the people who were upset about not being thanked was to just get over it and not let other people steal their joy.  Most of the time, the lack of a comment is not at all personal.

I noticed that no one had this lady's back, so I commented that I agreed with her that people should just enjoy SingSnap and not take offense where no offense was intended.  Yes, it takes just a minute to type "thank you" as a comment to someone.  But when someone has done a dozen duets with you in one day, that kind of thing can get old really fast.  Because people usually expect you to listen to the duet, too.  Given that songs can run several minutes and some people are, quite honestly, unpleasant to listen to, that can be a very painful exercise.

I am in the camp that prefers a sincere comment to one made strictly out of a sense of duty.  I figure anyone can type "thank you"; but if that's all you have to say, why bother?  Especially if you aren't actually thankful?  Aside from that, while I may be guilty of getting my panties in a twist about a lot of things, I sing on SingSnap strictly for fun.  I don't have the energy to waste worrying about who thinks I'm a good singer.  I don't have the time to worry about who thanks me for singing with them.  I sing there because it's good for my mental health and promotes creativity.  It's something I do for myself.  Singing on SingSnap is a mostly solitary activity anyway.  

I used to get notifications every time someone liked my song, commented, duetted with me, or sent me private messages.  After awhile, the notifications got to be very excessive, so I turned off most of them.  I even turned off the messages I'd get when someone duetted with me because sometimes there would be a lot of them to wade through.  I'd get the email from SingSnap, plus a comment and/or a private message.  That would end up being three emails for one recording.  It got pretty annoying after awhile.

Now, I check my "featured on" page every day.  Most of the time, if someone sings with me, I will listen and comment.  Sometimes, I don't, though.  I think that should be okay.  People shouldn't feel entitled to a virtual pat on the back.  And if someone gives you one, it shouldn't be because they feel obligated to.  I value a sincere, genuine, expression of gratitude and friendship over a fake one.  A fake "thank you" means nothing to me.  

So the lady who had been arguing with my trio friend basically said that people who don't comment are "rude" and have no manners.  I guess that's me.  I wrote that she and I have a different opinion about what rude and disrespectful behavior is.  But that's okay, since the world would be a very boring place if everyone agreed.

Her response?  "No, it wouldn't LOL."

How rude.

SingSnap pet peeves...

I know I've got some people from SingSnap reading this blog, which is why I'm addressing this subject of SingSnap pet peeves.  Generally speaking, I really enjoy SingSnap and the people who are on the site.  It gives me a fun outlet for my musical leanings, a place to experiment and collaborate.  I've even had the chance to meet a fellow Snapper since I moved to Germany.  However, I would be lying if I said I never get annoyed with some of the behavior on that site.  So, without further ado, here are my top ten SingSnap pet peeves.

1.  People who constantly bug me to duet with them or leave me "song assignments".  I am very flattered when people like what I do.  I like doing duets.  But I don't like it when I get constant PMs from the same people inviting me to duet with them.  A lot of times, I'm not interested in doing the songs they want me to do.  Or I don't know the song and don't have the time or desire to learn it.  Or, being very honest here, they can't sing at all and it's painful for me to listen to them.  Sorry, I know that sounds shitty and elitist.  It's the truth, though.  I have a very hard time listening to people who can't sing-- like, it's physically uncomfortable for me.  It's a lot easier to deal with extremely off key singing if I'm in a bar with friends and beer.  At home on my computer, it's tough.  There are exceptions to this rule.  I have a few friends I regularly duet with and it doesn't bother me when they invite me to sing with them.  They're my friends and I know we can work together and have similar tastes.  But if you keep sending requests and I ignore them, please take the hint.  Don't force me to be assertive and tell you to knock it off or put you on my block list.  I don't like hurting people's feelings.

2.  People who duet with me, but sing or play an instrument during my part.  Yesterday, some guy joined me in a duet.  First off, he criticized me because I don't usually do videos (and that's another pet peeve I will address)-- he called me "camera shy".  Then, during the parts of the song where I sang, he played his harmonica.  Now... I get that you play harmonica and that's cool and all, but how would you like it if I did something similar to you during your part?  How about if I harmonized loudly with you during your solos so that your voice is drowned out?  Don't like it?  Don't blame you.  It's the same thing when you play your harmonica or another instrument during my parts.  It's rude and doesn't make me want to sing with you.  And, sorry to say, but I sing better than you play harmonica anyway-- at least in that particular case.

3.  People who call me "hon" or "sweetie".   It's a pet peeve of mine online and offline.  I hate it when people I don't know call me cutesy names, especially since I'm usually older than they are.  My name is on my profile.  Call me Jenny.  Call me knotty if you want to (lots of people on the 'net do).  Don't call me hon, honey, sweetie, or darlin' (only my husband is allowed to call me that).  And please don't call me Jen or Jennifer.  It's Jenny.  

4.  People who leave me a generic comment with a link to their recordings.  Especially if I don't know them.   Look, I know everyone loves comments.  But if you pimp your recordings on my recordings, I can promise you I won't be listening to them.  I think it's rude.  I might make an exception for people I "know", but if we've never interacted, I don't appreciate song pimping on my recordings.  It's akin to spamming.  It's doubly annoying when you leave a link and call me "sweetie", too.  In that case, I might add you to my block list.  ;-) I don't care if you sing like Aretha Franklin or James Taylor.

5.  People who tell me to change my nickname.  Do you like it when someone criticizes your name?  How about if they tell you to change it?  That happened to me the other day.  Some guy left me a comment and said I didn't look like a "knothead" so I should change my name.  I understand that many people think the term "knothead" is derogatory; however, it is my internet handle and has been for many years.  My dad used to call me a knothead  when I was a kid.  I have since claimed it as my Internet nickname.  I am comfortable with it.  It's not obscene and I'm not offended by it.  Neither should you be, although I'm glad you don't think I'm really a knothead.      

6.  People who tell me to make videos.  You will rarely find me making videos on SingSnap.  I don't feel comfortable on camera.  I don't want to feel like I have to put on makeup before I do my karaoke.  Sometimes I sing when I'm drunk and no one wants to see that on video.  I don't care if you think that makes me "camera shy".  I don't want to do it.  So don't tell me to turn on my camera.  If I want to turn it on, I'll turn it on.  I don't need to be ordered to do it.  Ditto when you give me instructions on how to use my mic.  If I want instruction, I'll ask for it.

7.  People who flirt with me or make sexual comments.  It's nice to know that some people think I'm "cute", even at the ripe old age of 43.  I get more flirty comments now than I ever did 20 years ago, when I was still single and looking.  But I am now happily married and very devoted to my husband and I don't like to be flirted with, unless of course, we "know" each other.  Even then, it's not really cool.

8.  People who PM me after they duet with me.  There was a time when sending a PM after a duet was protocol because SingSnap didn't automatically let you know when something happens on the site the way it does now.  However, the system is now such that I get an email when someone joins me in a duet, loves, or comments on my posts; therefore, it's not necessary to send a PM with a link.  It just clutters up my inbox and distracts me.  If you duet with me, I will find out about it, because even if I don't get a notice from SingSnap, I regularly check the "featured on" link on my profile.  And I do usually listen and leave a comment.

9.  People who can't harmonize and still think they're the shit.  I'm sorry.  This sounds shitty and elitist, I know.  But it's very frustrating when someone sings "How's The World Treating You" with me, bugs me to listen to it, and then it turns out they're just singing in unison with me.  James Taylor's part is a harmony part.  If you can't sing harmony, you can send me a note and I'll do his part and you can do Alison's melody part.  If you can't harmonize, there's no point really in duetting, especially on that song.  You might as well sing it by yourself.  I know it sounds elitist... sorry.

10. People who turn my solo recordings into duets.  And then send me links to listen to whatever they've done.  Again, I know it sounds shitty, but I don't always want to hear someone try to improve on a song that is intended to be a solo.  I have started clicking the button that makes it impossible for people to duet on songs that I don't intend to be duets.  I hate doing it because I know some people think it's "antisocial", but I also hate getting multiple links to songs that aren't duets and were not set up to be duets.  Especially since it's very rare that the duet version is better than the solo version.  If you think this sounds snotty, allow me to offer a scenario that might explain why I don't like this practice.  Imagine you're on a stage performing a song and pouring yourself into it.  Halfway through your song, someone uninvited from the audience jumps up and starts singing with you...  off key or off rhythm or they just don't have the same "sense" for the sound that you have.  How do you think that would make you feel?  I'm flattered that some of you want to join me, but I'd appreciate it if you'd send me a note asking me first.  That way, we can set it up so it's really a duet and not someone horning in on another person's song.  But please don't repeatedly pester me about it, either. 

Listen, folks, I know this list makes me sound horrible.  I truly don't mean to be.  I enjoy SingSnap and the vast majority of people on there are super nice and fun to interact with.  There are some great singers on SingSnap that I enjoy listening to and collaborating with.  But there are also some common practices that really annoy me, and I don't always feel like I can voice them on the messageboards without people getting offended.   I know it's just karaoke, but to me, the struggle is real.

Maybe my SingSnap pet peeves don't matter to the average person, but hell... it's my blog and I needed something to write about.  So I've had my say and I feel better now.