Unwanted duet partners...

At the risk of sounding like a primadonna bitch, I'm going to rant one more time about duets on SingSnap...  This time, it's about people who turn solo songs into duets and then expect me to be excited about their efforts.

Look, I'm going to be very honest.  I know what I'm about to write is going to sound petty and mean, but it's how I actually feel.  And while I do always value being kind, I also think that sometimes people need to know the truth.  Music is very important to me.  I know SingSnap is a karaoke site, but it's my one musical outlet.  To me, this stuff matters a lot more than it really should.

So here goes.  I don't like it when people turn my solos into duets.  No, scratch that.  I don't like it when they turn my solos into duets without asking me first.  Now, you may think this is because I'm "full of myself". Maybe, to some extent, that's true.  I would argue that if I were really full of myself and a snob about singing with people, I would never post open duets.  I have had many people join me on open duets.  Some are very good singers.  Some don't come within a mile of the proper pitch.  But if I post an open duet, I'm okay with all comers, regardless of their ability... as long as they don't play an instrument over my vocals.  ;-)

I don't feel the same way about solo songs.

Here's the thing.  A song recorded as a solo was intended to be a solo.  A duet typically has parts open for one singer to do their thing and other parts where they harmonize or otherwise collaborate.  Solo songs don't.  

Moreover, a lot of times, the songs people want to duet on are not really suitable as duets.  This morning, someone decided to duet with me on two Alison Krauss songs, neither of which were really intended to be collaborative efforts.  One song the guy did was "Baby Mine", which is a sweet lullaby a mother sings to her child.  The other was "A Living Prayer"... again, an intimate song for one person.  It's not a duet.  Or, at least I don't think it is.  

This guy left me comments with links to the duets.  I inwardly groaned.  Nine times out of ten, people who turn solos into duets can't actually sing.  I was just going to ignore the comments, but then decided to go listen.  In this case, it wasn't a bad thing that I listened.  To my surprise, the guy was a good singer.  He actually knew how to harmonize, which is a very welcome and apparently rare ability.

However, I was still irritated that he hijacked my solos and apparently expected me to be excited about what he did.  Actually... I think the expectation that I'm going to be excited is probably the biggest reason why this practice annoys me.  Because I really don't like being fake, but I also don't enjoy making other people feel bad.  There is a part of me that is a little blunt and, frankly, too honest.  I am this way especially when it comes to music.  I was the kid who used to put her fingers in her ears when her dad sang solos in the church choir.  I own it.  

On SingSnap, if you aren't unfailingly sweet, fawning, and polite, people relegate you into the total bitch pile.  So I feel compelled to be complimentary and nice even when people do things that annoy me and even if I think something sucks or am actually offended by it.  If I don't, I get accused of having a big head, being a diva, being full of myself, or not appreciating other people's talents (or lack thereof).

What I'd like to say to the people who duet on my solos is, "I'm flattered that you enjoyed my singing and decided to join me.  I wish you had sent me a message beforehand.  I would have liked to have worked with you to make this an actual duet.  Unfortunately, this song was not intended to be a duet.  Maybe we could have made it a duet.  Or we could have chosen a duet to do together.  I would have been happy to make an actual collaboration.  I hope if there is a next time you want to sing with me on a solo, you'll consider sending me a note first."

Unfortunately, I know that if I write a comment like this, the person will most likely take it as a total dis and word will get out that I'm a bitch.  I'm not really a bitch.  I just don't like it when people do this kind of stuff and I am expected to love it.  99% of the time, I don't love it... although I will admit there have been a couple of rare exceptions to that rule.  

Now... SingSnap does have a function that allows people to turn off the ability to duet with others.  Unfortunately, that function turns off duets for all future songs.  So, if I did want to post an open duet and forgot I'd hit the "no duets" switch, then I would get no takers on the songs I actually want people to duet on.  Moreover, if you turn off the ability to do duets, many people will still think you're "antisocial" or "big-headed".   Because apparently, some of them think they should have the right to improve on your efforts, as it were.  Frankly, I would rather the person not send me a link when they duet on one of my solos.  If you feel compelled to join me, be my guest.  But please don't expect me to like it.  If I want to listen to it, I'll find it on my page and go there on my own accord.  If it's good, I'll say so.

I'm sure there will come a day when I can no longer make recordings that I can stand to listen to.  My voice will probably change before too much longer.  I'm getting older.  For now... I suppose I just have to remember that some people have war in their country.  Ah... it's Monday and I've already spilled coffee.  I guess the tone has already been set for the rest of the day.

I have no manners...

I stumbled across a funny discussion on SingSnap this morning.  Someone was gently sounding off because she had joined people on their open duets and they had not commented or thanked her for joining them.  The thread is actually a couple of months old but it's still getting comments.  I generally don't participate in SingSnap discussions.  I kind of try to keep a low profile there because I mainly use the site to practice music.  I do sometimes post open duets and sometimes I get good participation.  Sometimes no one joins me.  It's okay either way, as far as I'm concerned.

Generally speaking, when someone sings with me there, I do leave a comment thanking them for joining me.  Sometimes, if the person does a really good job, I'll say even more.  Sometimes people who sing with me have very little musical talent and it's actually kind of painful to listen, but I appreciate that they liked my duet enough to join me.  So I usually say "thanks" and leave it at that.

However, there are times when I don't comment.  Sometimes, people on SingSnap can engage in annoying behavior.  I don't want to encourage them to engage me, so I may not say anything about a duet they've done with me.  Last fall, I posted on this blog about my SingSnap pet peeves.  It actually felt good to write that piece because I really do try to be nice 90% of the time.  Even when I'm not nice to someone who has annoyed me somehow, I usually feel kind of guilty about it.  And believe me, there are more than a few people on SingSnap who can be very annoying and childish.

Anyway, one poster pretty much summed up how I feel about comments on SingSnap.  I kind of "know" this person because I once sang in an online trio with her.  She has a very good voice and no doubt gets a lot of people duetting with her.  She basically said that people shouldn't get all bunged up about who thanks them for joining them in duets.  She said that people have lives.  Sometimes people die.  Sometimes people are sick or tired or otherwise unwilling or unable to comment.  Sometimes people don't want to respond to someone because they're being annoying or engaging in harassment.  Her advice to the people who were upset about not being thanked was to just get over it and not let other people steal their joy.  Most of the time, the lack of a comment is not at all personal.

I noticed that no one had this lady's back, so I commented that I agreed with her that people should just enjoy SingSnap and not take offense where no offense was intended.  Yes, it takes just a minute to type "thank you" as a comment to someone.  But when someone has done a dozen duets with you in one day, that kind of thing can get old really fast.  Because people usually expect you to listen to the duet, too.  Given that songs can run several minutes and some people are, quite honestly, unpleasant to listen to, that can be a very painful exercise.

I am in the camp that prefers a sincere comment to one made strictly out of a sense of duty.  I figure anyone can type "thank you"; but if that's all you have to say, why bother?  Especially if you aren't actually thankful?  Aside from that, while I may be guilty of getting my panties in a twist about a lot of things, I sing on SingSnap strictly for fun.  I don't have the energy to waste worrying about who thinks I'm a good singer.  I don't have the time to worry about who thanks me for singing with them.  I sing there because it's good for my mental health and promotes creativity.  It's something I do for myself.  Singing on SingSnap is a mostly solitary activity anyway.  

I used to get notifications every time someone liked my song, commented, duetted with me, or sent me private messages.  After awhile, the notifications got to be very excessive, so I turned off most of them.  I even turned off the messages I'd get when someone duetted with me because sometimes there would be a lot of them to wade through.  I'd get the email from SingSnap, plus a comment and/or a private message.  That would end up being three emails for one recording.  It got pretty annoying after awhile.

Now, I check my "featured on" page every day.  Most of the time, if someone sings with me, I will listen and comment.  Sometimes, I don't, though.  I think that should be okay.  People shouldn't feel entitled to a virtual pat on the back.  And if someone gives you one, it shouldn't be because they feel obligated to.  I value a sincere, genuine, expression of gratitude and friendship over a fake one.  A fake "thank you" means nothing to me.  

So the lady who had been arguing with my trio friend basically said that people who don't comment are "rude" and have no manners.  I guess that's me.  I wrote that she and I have a different opinion about what rude and disrespectful behavior is.  But that's okay, since the world would be a very boring place if everyone agreed.

Her response?  "No, it wouldn't LOL."

How rude.

Confessions of a karaoke junkie...

This is an old article I wrote for Epinions in 2005 concerning my love of karaoke…


Confessions of a karaoke junkie...

May 7, 2005

The Bottom Line Hang around in a karaoke bar long enough and you too may be bitten by the bug!

I admit it. I'm a karaoke junkie. I'm one of those obnoxious people who shows up at the local bar before karaoke officially starts and stays there until the show is over. I have had my own karaoke machine since Christmas 2004 and my private collection of karaoke discs already contains well over 1200 songs. I've even taken the time to sort the songs out, alphabetizing them in an Access database on my computer. This is not so much because I don't know what's in my collection, but more because I like to see in black and white which songs by my favorite artists that I've collected. No, I don't host my own shows, nor do I have company over for karaoke parties... but if I wanted to do either, I could-- and it's a fair bet that I'd have something to please everybody.

For those of you who don't know what karaoke is, allow me to educate you. Karaoke, loosely translated, is the Japanese word for empty orchestra. Would be musical superstars (or not) sing to pre-recorded music as the words flash across a television monitor. One can certainly have fun while doing karaoke alone, but in my opinion it's most enjoyable when done in front of an audience, the bigger the better. Some folks like listening or performing karaoke best while imbibing copious amounts of alcohol. I happen to be one of those people.

I've enjoyed karaoke off and on for the past twelve years or so. The first time I went to a karaoke bar, I was with a friend of mine from college. From the moment we stepped into Sunny's Bar in Farmville, Virginia and my friend handed me one of the songbooks, I knew I was in my element. I perused the notebook that contained the list of available songs and wrote my selections down on several song request slips. Then, I gave my selections to the karaoke host; before I knew it, my name was called for the first time and I got up to try to rock the house! On that particular evening at Sunny's, there was a group of inebriated fraternity brothers in the bar. A bunch of the pledges got up on the stage and drunkenly sang "That's The Way I Like It" by K.C. and the Sunshine Band. I turned to my friend and giggled. I knew it was going to be a memorable evening. It was, and not only for me. I don't remember which songs I sang that evening, but a couple of weeks later, I was walking around on campus with a couple of my friends and some guy said, "Hey, I know you. You're a singer, aren't you?" One of the friends who was with me was a voice major at the college, so I assumed he was talking to her. But he singled me out and said, "My parents were at Sunny's a couple of weeks ago when I was there with my fraternity brothers. They loved you. Every time you stood up, they videotaped you." I shudder to even think about what my image on that videotape must have looked like, but it was pretty cool to hear about it. After all, I didn't know this guy or his parents from Adam.

Nowadays, as I've evolved into my current status as a karaoke junkie, I get my karaoke fix at the Fort Belvoir Officer's Club. I've made friends with the couple who runs the weekly karaoke show and I've done just about every song in the songbook that I know well enough to do in public. The Fort Belvoir Club rarely gets very busy, so I generally sing at least twenty songs every Friday night in front of a sparsely populated audience. There are a few other regulars besides my husband and I and they can all sing. In fact, the Fort Belvoir club is the first one I've been to where more often than not, the karaoke participants are good singers. It's rare that people get too wildly drunk at the Officer's Club, but the flow of alcohol is enough to allow most folks to be social. My husband and I have met some very interesting people from different walks of life who each share the common thread of somehow being connected to the military.

I really got bitten by the karaoke bug when I decided that I was sick of singing the same songs from the songbook over and over each week. The first time I visited a karaoke vendor website, I opened the door to an expensive addiction. I had decided that I wanted to sing some Alison Krauss songs and the club's songbook didn't list anything by her. To satisfy my itch to sing new stuff, I went to www.karaokegalore.com and ordered three CDGs (compact disc + graphics), one in the style of Alison Krauss, one in the style of Linda Ronstadt, and one that offered songs by a variety of artists. When the CDGs arrived at my home a few days later, I immediately started practicing even though I didn't own a karaoke machine at the time. CDGs are just like compact discs and can be played on regular CD players; however, when they are played on a karaoke machine, lyrics will flash across a television screen.

It was a little tough at first, learning the songs without owning a karaoke machine. Sometimes CDGs come with a printed lyric sheet or demonstration tracks, but more often than not, they simply come by themselves. I soon found myself hunting down lyrics online or in the liner notes of regular CDs. My husband saw the trouble I was having, so at Christmas time, he decided to purchase a karaoke machine for me. Little did he know that he was about to awaken my insatiable appetite for more karaoke! Soon after I got the machine, I found myself hunting other karaoke vendors, looking for new and obscure songs to learn how to sing. I soon found myself comparing the different karaoke disc manufacturers and decided that I like Sound Choice the best (not all brands are alike). I also found myself justifying buying new CDGs because they happened to be on sale. In case you haven't been pricing karaoke CDGs later, those suckers can be expensive. Sound Choice CDGs retail for about $23 a pop. Of course, the better the quality of the music, the more expensive the disc tends to be. I've already spent hundreds of dollars on CDGs and yet I am constantly looking for more music to add to my collection! The karaoke hosts at Fort Belvoir allow karaoke participants to use their own discs, which, of course, makes me want to buy more!

Why do I love karaoke? Well, of course I love to sing and luckily for me, other people apparently like to hear me sing. I recently found out that besides my husband, I have a couple of groupies at Fort Belvoir. One week, I wasn't feeling very well, so my husband and I decided to leave. The following week when we showed up at our regular time, this man came up to me and said, "You know, a whole bunch of people who were sitting with me last week were really upset when you left without singing!" I cracked up at that news. It's always great to be noticed, especially when you're a stay at home wife with no social outlets! I thanked him for the compliment.

I also love karaoke because I've met some interesting people when I've done it. In this respect, karaoke is a little bit like Epinions. It attracts people from every walk of life who share a common interest, in this case, a love of music, either listening to it or singing it. It doesn't matter how well a person sings; it only matters that the person has fun. Drinking alcohol is also not a requirement, but I've found that it sometimes helps ease the pain of listening to the more "interesting" performances-- and it also lowers the inhibitions of those who might not otherwise participate! Of course, the bartender also makes a big difference in how much fun will be had. Until very recently, the Friday night bartender at Fort Belvoir was a Vietnamese woman who, over thirty years ago, had come to the United States from Taiwan. She always took great care of me and my husband and anyone else who visited "her bar" on Friday night. She always looked out for her customers, making sure that no one got too drunk or disorderly. Unfortunately, our Vietnamese friend was rotated to another work station and a new barkeep was brought in to take her place. I have to admit that I'm kind of hoping that the new bartender doesn't last and the old bartender comes back. She really makes the regulars feel like family.

I've increased my repertoire quite a bit over the past year, listening to other people perform songs I've never heard before. I'm sure other people have expanded their musical horizons by listening to me do songs by lesser known artists. Last night, I did a Jane Monheit song called "I'm Through With Love". When I was finished, the lady who was sitting at the table next to me and my husband leaned over and asked me who had done that song. I told her about Jane Monheit and gave her the name of the CD where she could find "I'm Through With Love". Likewise, I had never even heard of Kid Rock before I started doing karaoke at Fort Belvoir. One night, I was recruited to help someone sing "Picture", a duet that Kid Rock did with Sheryl Crow. Needless to say, I quickly learned that song as well as a little bit about Kid Rock.

Truthfully, I like karaoke wherever and whenever I can do it, but there's something about doing it in a military environment that makes it even more fun. For one thing, the audiences are generally respectful and supportive. The folks who come to the Officer's Club tend to be older, so they like to hear older songs. Although there are nights when people get drunk or otherwise behave inappropriately, it's a pretty rare occurrence. The club doesn't have the feel of a meat market, nor do most people make rude remarks. On most nights, everyone gets the chance to sing as often as they want. As a matter of fact, when I first started going to karaoke at the Officer's Club, I hesitated to sign up for a lot of songs because I didn't want to hog the mike. It wasn't long before the hosts started badgering me to sign up for more songs just because they wanted to get the show rolling and no one else was signing up to sing! Now, when I go to the club, I routinely start them off with a list of at least ten songs!

Yes, I'll admit it. I'm a karaoke junkie and damn proud of it. I have no aspirations of going on American Idol or Star Search, nor do I have any desire to try to cut an album. Doing karaoke is just a way for me to socialize and blow off steam every Friday, enjoying time with my husband and my friends, sharing my love for music, and drinking good imported beers. Oh, and of course on Saturday mornings, I often get the added bonus of enjoying a nice hangover! Okay, so that's not exactly a bonus, but at least it gives me and my husband something else to talk about.

Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain....

This is a trio of me.  It turned out decently.  I think you can get carried away with too many harmonies and three seemed just right for this.

I'm also kinda proud of "The Lighthouse's Tale", which is a song by Nickel Creek that I tried today.  This one isn't harmonized.  Like I said, short, simple songs are best for that.

The first time I ever sang for anyone...

I grew up in a very musical family.  My mother was a church organist from the age of 14 and my dad is a singer... or at least he was until his voice was ruined by spending too long on a ventilator.  I have aunts, uncles, and cousins who are musicians.  My sister took piano and played clarinet in the school band, though music didn't really stick with her.

Me?  Well, I started out playing piano.  When I was six years old, I started taking lessons.  It turned out I had really good tonal memory.  The teacher told my mom I had perfect pitch.  I hated practicing, though, and eventually quit taking piano.  When I was ten years old, I joined the school band.  I started with drums, because I auditioned and it turned out I had rhythm.  But I could never get the hang of using the sticks and ended up switching instruments.  I played my sister's clarinet for a year.  I was okay at it... even took summer band that summer.  But for some reason, I decided I'd rather take art, so I dropped out of band.  It might have had to do with the fact that my mom was playing piano for the chorus at my school and had regular interaction with the music teacher... who had actually recognized that I had some talent, even back then.

I spent most of my childhood around horses, not music.  I was really into riding and had dreams of making horses my career.  As I got older, I realized that I didn't really have a lot of natural talent for riding.  I was successful enough at horse shows and it was a lot of fun for me, but I wasn't a "natural".  By the time I was seventeen, I was ready to do something else.  I left the horse world, though I have to confess I miss it today.  I hope someday I can make horses a part of my life again.

I never sang in front of people when I was growing up because I knew how much it annoyed me when people sang in front of me.  I knew I could sing on key, but I didn't know I was any good at singing.  I was very shy about my voice and wouldn't even sing hymns in church.  I'd hear my mom play them at home and in church when she was the organist at the church where I attended.  I'd hear my relatives sing and play music at family reunions.  I never joined in.

Then when I was eighteen years old, I went off to Longwood College.  I had to take an arts class for my degree.  I needed four hours, so I took music appreciation, which was a three hour course.  Then I took a one credit voice class.  Voice class was designed for non singers.  It was fifty minutes and there were about five of us in the class.  The teacher was a woman named Ann Brown.  She happened to be the daughter of a woman who was good friends with my dad due to his many musical pursuits.  Ms. Brown's mother, Mary Lirette, was an accompanist for one of my dad's musical groups and had obviously passed on her passion for music to her daughter.

Ann Brown was an adjunct professor at Longwood and the University of Richmond.  She had graduated from Westminster Choir College, had perfect pitch, played piano, and was a wonderful singer in her own right.

Ann Brown was a neat lady for so many reasons.  She was really tall and wore really cool, stylish clothes in bright colors.  She had big hair.  And she was very nurturing and encouraging.

I remember we had a book called Basics of Singing that had some very simple songs in it.  There were a few show tunes, a couple of simple arias, a few art songs, and a light pop song or two.  We were instructed to pick out a couple of songs.  The first one I chose was "Summertime" by George and Ira Gershwin.  I had heard some girl sing it when I was in sixth grade and I always liked the way it sounded.

Ann Brown worked with me on that song, as well as several others.  I seem to remember singing "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" from The Sound of Music and "Almost Like Being In Love".  I remember that singing came very easily to me.

One day, I asked Ms. Brown if all the music majors had to do senior recitals.  I was intrigued after having watched a couple of people do theirs.  Ms. Brown said they did and then asked me if I wanted to study music.  I said I was an English major and wanted to be a writer.  Ms. Brown told me she thought I had a natural talent for singing and that I should study voice privately.  I realized how much I enjoyed music.  Private lessons would mean extra lab fees and I would have to hire an accompanist.  But when I pitched the idea to my parents, they were supportive.

Over Thanksgiving break 1990, I went to the annual family reunion at my grandmother's house.  As usual, people were standing around the organ singing.  My mom was playing and my aunts, uncles, and cousins were harmonizing.  Some of the others were playing cards and/or watching football.  Though I was only 18, I'd had a couple of beers and was feeling a little giddy.

Having heard that I was taking a voice class, someone asked me to sing.  I kind of giggled and said okay.  My aunt played "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" for me.  I sang it... and people were really pleasantly shocked.

People who know me offline know that I'm often saying and doing shocking things.  I used to make my parents blush with embarrassment for outrageous things I used to say that embarrassed them.  My mom used to yell at me because she never knew what was going to come out of my mouth.  I've always been outspoken and obnoxious.

This time, my mom was shocked again... but this time it was because she was overwhelmed with pride.  My mother was blown away.  She had never known I could sing and she was absolutely floored that I was good at it.  I remember her eyes were huge and she was actually speechless for a couple of minutes.  She barely choked out "I didn't know you could sing."

I will never forget her reaction.  It was something I had never seen from her before.  She was very proud of me.

I later realized that if I had studied music growing up, I might have done something with it professionally.  But I also would have had to deal with with my dad, who was very competitive about his singing.  I clash with my dad anyway... not so much nowadays, but years ago when I was growing up and he was still coherent.  I remember signing up for voice lessons from a teacher in Williamsburg, Virginia when I was in my mid 20s.  I did it to help get over depression.

My dad signed up for lessons, too... from the same teacher.  He brought my mom with him to play piano.  It pissed me off because it was something I had done for myself and I didn't want to share it with him.  I remember singing at a recital and he was performing too.  He didn't understand that I didn't want to compete with him.  In fact, my goal was not to join music groups and become known for being a singer.  My goal was to feel better and do something that came easily to me.  I resented that he had horned in the way he had.  Of course, once I quit studying voice to go off to grad school, so did he.

I never got the sense this was something he wanted to share with me.  It was like he didn't want me to steal his identity.  I guess I can understand that on one level, but at the time, it really sucked.

Looking back, I totally see why, as a kid, I chose horses instead of music.  My parents did not care at all about horses and had no expectations of me.  If I had chosen music, it would have turned into a big contest.  My mom would have pushed me and my dad would have been jealous and competed with me... or pressured me to join his groups so he could show me off to his friends.  I have always gotten the impression that my parents valued me most when I did something the could brag about.  They have always been concerned about other peoples' opinions and impressions more than they have the opinions of their loved ones.

Despite all of that, I still love music today... and I still share it, though I try to be sensitive about how I share it.  I post recordings on SingSnap which I sometimes put on this blog.  I've gotten good feedback, which is a nice thing.  I'm still kind of shy about my voice, though.  Get me in a karaoke or piano bar with the lights dimmed and lots of booze, the shyness goes away somewhat.  ;-)

Fairytale of New York... done SingDate style...

Apparently, SingSnap.com inspired a new show in the UK called SingDate.  Today, they had an event inviting people to sing with the stars of the show.  I turned on my web cam and went for it.  It was surprisingly fun.  Most of the people were somewhat decent singers or at least entertaining.



This me and some guy singing "Fairytale of New York", which is kind of ironic since I just blogged about Christy Moore (who covered that song by The Pogues) on PopRockNation.

I also did "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"...




And "When You Say Nothing At All"...



I really hate watching myself on camera, so I figure other people won't want to.  But what the hell...

This was really a lot of fun.  Makes me want to go to England, though.

An Irish classic...

Someone on SingSnap requested that I do an Irish song, so I sang "Danny Boy".  It took some doing to get this right and it's still not exactly the way I'd want it...  But I figure since I have an Irish reader who visits regularly, I'd post it here for your...  perusal...



I made it a step higher because if I sing it in C, it's right at about the place where my head and chest voices diverge...

I'm kind of proud of this...

Not that I want to turn this blog into my karaoke pimping site, but I just recorded "Something Good" from The Sound of Music.  I think it turned out really pretty!