I stumbled across a funny discussion on SingSnap this morning. Someone was gently sounding off because she had joined people on their open duets and they had not commented or thanked her for joining them. The thread is actually a couple of months old but it's still getting comments. I generally don't participate in SingSnap discussions. I kind of try to keep a low profile there because I mainly use the site to practice music. I do sometimes post open duets and sometimes I get good participation. Sometimes no one joins me. It's okay either way, as far as I'm concerned.
Generally speaking, when someone sings with me there, I do leave a comment thanking them for joining me. Sometimes, if the person does a really good job, I'll say even more. Sometimes people who sing with me have very little musical talent and it's actually kind of painful to listen, but I appreciate that they liked my duet enough to join me. So I usually say "thanks" and leave it at that.
However, there are times when I don't comment. Sometimes, people on SingSnap can engage in annoying behavior. I don't want to encourage them to engage me, so I may not say anything about a duet they've done with me. Last fall, I posted on this blog about my SingSnap pet peeves. It actually felt good to write that piece because I really do try to be nice 90% of the time. Even when I'm not nice to someone who has annoyed me somehow, I usually feel kind of guilty about it. And believe me, there are more than a few people on SingSnap who can be very annoying and childish.
Anyway, one poster pretty much summed up how I feel about comments on SingSnap. I kind of "know" this person because I once sang in an online trio with her. She has a very good voice and no doubt gets a lot of people duetting with her. She basically said that people shouldn't get all bunged up about who thanks them for joining them in duets. She said that people have lives. Sometimes people die. Sometimes people are sick or tired or otherwise unwilling or unable to comment. Sometimes people don't want to respond to someone because they're being annoying or engaging in harassment. Her advice to the people who were upset about not being thanked was to just get over it and not let other people steal their joy. Most of the time, the lack of a comment is not at all personal.
I noticed that no one had this lady's back, so I commented that I agreed with her that people should just enjoy SingSnap and not take offense where no offense was intended. Yes, it takes just a minute to type "thank you" as a comment to someone. But when someone has done a dozen duets with you in one day, that kind of thing can get old really fast. Because people usually expect you to listen to the duet, too. Given that songs can run several minutes and some people are, quite honestly, unpleasant to listen to, that can be a very painful exercise.
I am in the camp that prefers a sincere comment to one made strictly out of a sense of duty. I figure anyone can type "thank you"; but if that's all you have to say, why bother? Especially if you aren't actually thankful? Aside from that, while I may be guilty of getting my panties in a twist about a lot of things, I sing on SingSnap strictly for fun. I don't have the energy to waste worrying about who thinks I'm a good singer. I don't have the time to worry about who thanks me for singing with them. I sing there because it's good for my mental health and promotes creativity. It's something I do for myself. Singing on SingSnap is a mostly solitary activity anyway.
I used to get notifications every time someone liked my song, commented, duetted with me, or sent me private messages. After awhile, the notifications got to be very excessive, so I turned off most of them. I even turned off the messages I'd get when someone duetted with me because sometimes there would be a lot of them to wade through. I'd get the email from SingSnap, plus a comment and/or a private message. That would end up being three emails for one recording. It got pretty annoying after awhile.
Now, I check my "featured on" page every day. Most of the time, if someone sings with me, I will listen and comment. Sometimes, I don't, though. I think that should be okay. People shouldn't feel entitled to a virtual pat on the back. And if someone gives you one, it shouldn't be because they feel obligated to. I value a sincere, genuine, expression of gratitude and friendship over a fake one. A fake "thank you" means nothing to me.
So the lady who had been arguing with my trio friend basically said that people who don't comment are "rude" and have no manners. I guess that's me. I wrote that she and I have a different opinion about what rude and disrespectful behavior is. But that's okay, since the world would be a very boring place if everyone agreed.
Her response? "No, it wouldn't LOL."
How rude.
Generally speaking, when someone sings with me there, I do leave a comment thanking them for joining me. Sometimes, if the person does a really good job, I'll say even more. Sometimes people who sing with me have very little musical talent and it's actually kind of painful to listen, but I appreciate that they liked my duet enough to join me. So I usually say "thanks" and leave it at that.
However, there are times when I don't comment. Sometimes, people on SingSnap can engage in annoying behavior. I don't want to encourage them to engage me, so I may not say anything about a duet they've done with me. Last fall, I posted on this blog about my SingSnap pet peeves. It actually felt good to write that piece because I really do try to be nice 90% of the time. Even when I'm not nice to someone who has annoyed me somehow, I usually feel kind of guilty about it. And believe me, there are more than a few people on SingSnap who can be very annoying and childish.
Anyway, one poster pretty much summed up how I feel about comments on SingSnap. I kind of "know" this person because I once sang in an online trio with her. She has a very good voice and no doubt gets a lot of people duetting with her. She basically said that people shouldn't get all bunged up about who thanks them for joining them in duets. She said that people have lives. Sometimes people die. Sometimes people are sick or tired or otherwise unwilling or unable to comment. Sometimes people don't want to respond to someone because they're being annoying or engaging in harassment. Her advice to the people who were upset about not being thanked was to just get over it and not let other people steal their joy. Most of the time, the lack of a comment is not at all personal.
I noticed that no one had this lady's back, so I commented that I agreed with her that people should just enjoy SingSnap and not take offense where no offense was intended. Yes, it takes just a minute to type "thank you" as a comment to someone. But when someone has done a dozen duets with you in one day, that kind of thing can get old really fast. Because people usually expect you to listen to the duet, too. Given that songs can run several minutes and some people are, quite honestly, unpleasant to listen to, that can be a very painful exercise.
I am in the camp that prefers a sincere comment to one made strictly out of a sense of duty. I figure anyone can type "thank you"; but if that's all you have to say, why bother? Especially if you aren't actually thankful? Aside from that, while I may be guilty of getting my panties in a twist about a lot of things, I sing on SingSnap strictly for fun. I don't have the energy to waste worrying about who thinks I'm a good singer. I don't have the time to worry about who thanks me for singing with them. I sing there because it's good for my mental health and promotes creativity. It's something I do for myself. Singing on SingSnap is a mostly solitary activity anyway.
I used to get notifications every time someone liked my song, commented, duetted with me, or sent me private messages. After awhile, the notifications got to be very excessive, so I turned off most of them. I even turned off the messages I'd get when someone duetted with me because sometimes there would be a lot of them to wade through. I'd get the email from SingSnap, plus a comment and/or a private message. That would end up being three emails for one recording. It got pretty annoying after awhile.
Now, I check my "featured on" page every day. Most of the time, if someone sings with me, I will listen and comment. Sometimes, I don't, though. I think that should be okay. People shouldn't feel entitled to a virtual pat on the back. And if someone gives you one, it shouldn't be because they feel obligated to. I value a sincere, genuine, expression of gratitude and friendship over a fake one. A fake "thank you" means nothing to me.
So the lady who had been arguing with my trio friend basically said that people who don't comment are "rude" and have no manners. I guess that's me. I wrote that she and I have a different opinion about what rude and disrespectful behavior is. But that's okay, since the world would be a very boring place if everyone agreed.
Her response? "No, it wouldn't LOL."
How rude.
It seems now that there are self-designated etiquette police for just about any activity, whether real-life or online, that one could ever find. An older middle aged lady (maybe late 50's or early 60's) got mad at me at the supermarket last weekend because she had left her cart in the aisle on the opposite side of the dairy case as she was taking her sweet time comparatively shopping for butter. I had the nerve to proceed through the aisle (at a cautious pace) by her with my own shopping cart, not coming within two feet either of of her or of her shopping cart. According to her rules, which I guess I was supposed to have known, I should have stopped and stood idly as she selected her butter and crossed the aisle back to her grocery cart, and only then proceeded. She acted as though she was a blind lady with a white cane at a busy intersection and I had just practically run her over with my speeding hot rod. I don't know much about SingSnap, but it would seem that the activity would be about participation in singing and in listening if one cared to do so. One would think commenting would be entirely optional. If people were leaving negative comments about the performances of others (even if there were truth in the negativity of the comments), it might be a different matter, but no one is correct in assuming the lack of a response is, in and of itself, a negative response. I don't even know what to say about the megalomaniac who thinks the world would not be a boring place if everyone agreed. Is there a single solitary place in the real world or on the Internet where drama is not present anymore?
ReplyDeleteThat thread is still going. More people are commenting about how it's rude to ignore other people's contributions to open duets. I say, why lose sleep over a stranger's actions on a Web site? It's not like can control them.
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